I happened upon your memorial website today.  Today of all days, Taylor's three year date.   I read with tears Taylor's story and feel your pain and understand your "normal".  My husband and I lost our only child, Adam Carter, March 25, 2008 due to an automobile accident.  Adam was sixteen years old and driving to school.  Adam and Taylor sound very similar - all the way down to the thick curly hair that I would also tease Adam asking when he would get a haircut!

I am praying for you today, that you find the comfort and strength of God to get you thru this day.  Since it has been such a short time for me, I haven't had to deal with anniversaries, birthdays, holidays (July 4th didnt' count for me).  We did, however have to deal with Mother's Day and Father's Day and my husband's birthday since Adam's death.  I know we have much to deal with in the coming months and years. 

You are so right, no one but another parent who has lost their child truly understands.  They try to offer sympathy and comfort, but their children are with them, their life has continued.  Our lives, however, have stopped. 

I can't tell you how much your sentence meant to me which stated that Taylor would have changed the world, but instead he changed you.  That is it - that is exactly how I feel.  Everyone has told us (but we knew all along) that Adam was going to do something to change the world, to make a difference, to invent something to help others, something.  I know he made a difference in people's lives, I know there are many who are forever changed because of their friendship with Adam.  His father and I, like all those who have lost children are different people.  Always just under the surface of our skin, we feel it at any moment the dam will break and you must go with your feelings.

Please know I am thinking of your family and of Taylor.  Maybe our boys are together in Heaven smiling down on both of their mothers and fathers.

I hope you read this message, please feel free to email me.

May peace be with you.  -- Terrie Carter

as july roles around i can only try and prepare myself for the emotional roller coaster i put myself through. the first year was more difficult than i could have ever imagined. the second year seemed to be easier. this year i feel a struggle again. you think you've coped, when really you havent...

what keeps my smiling is the silliest item; for taylors birthday we met at his plaque. we had cupcakes and released balloons, me and  jackie made him a CD and everyong told stories. for some reason i kept the candle from the cupcake (lol). for some reason it represented that little light of faith in the dark that keeps you moving forward. & whe i'm having the hardest days i light the candle, not for long, but long enough for me to know that i can't just give up.

taylors given me so many reasons to be happy. so many reasons to have faith. so many reasons to trust. so many reasons to forgive. taylor has given me a reason to live life with a better meaning and purpose. and for that reason, i will always be in his debt.

happy fourth of july taylor! this was the day i met you, and a day that remains embedded in my heart. your a sweet sweet soul that has done so much for so many people. i only wish i could touch the amount of lives you have....

<3

Dear Lori and Family,

Lori.

I came upon your sons site while visiting my cousins daughters site. Although I have never met you or Taylor, I can tell that you and your son had a wonderful relationship.

Taylor was a great guy.

After reading about your son I myself do not understand how this could have happened. Why no was able to help him.

It is awful.

Firemen are trained to do water rescues!

Life is not fair, know one ever said it would be, but somethings are just harder to except than others.

You know my cousins family lost two beautiful teenagers in 10 months. No one family should have to deal with such tragedy.

I do want you to know you should be proud of what you are doing with your sons site.

I am sure you have helped other parents who have lost a child.

You saved a life tonight Taylor. Thank you.

If I had not believed in your message of hope, support  and forgiveness, I would not have believed the email sent to me.

A man who was sorrowful and scared sent me and only me an email through this website.

I knew that he was serious because this  wesbite is different than the other memory-of websites. I don't have just pictures of l Taylor, I try to provide solutions and resources for those in need of help.  That is something my son would have done. That is something you had always done for others. You were always there. You always gave people the benefit of a doubt.

I listened to your spirit the other day Taylor and because I believed in what you taught me we saved a life.

It went like this:

I received an email from D. L. Hardy.  He wanted to end his life.  Many others told me it was just a hoax, but something inside me told me to take this seriously. So I did.

I called everyone I could think of. Suicide Hotline (they do put you on hold!) all the forums I could think of and finally my local police who knew me well enough to know I was serious and took this note seriously.  Together, we located him in another state and he is now getting the help he needs.

Thank you Taylor, he is alive today because of you!

To anyone else out there - I swear, I will try my best to see you through any hardship. We are in this boat together, we can make it together!

 Taylor truly is an angel!

Taylor was the sweetest and most thoughtful guy that I have had the pleasure of meeting. Every time I hear the song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five I get soft tears in my eyes. Tears of sadness, confusion, and curiosity. He knew how much I loved music, and that's why he made 5 CDs for me that read "Will You Go to Prom with ME". We had a great night together. His personality and outlook on life was always positive. He was the first person to die that I had feelings for, that made it very difficult to deal with. To this day I offer my prayers and blessings to Taylor and his family. It has been almost 3 years since he passed away, and I continue to pray for guidance for him in his new life.

I cannot even begin to express how much I miss you. It's strange because there is so much I wish I could say to you, but I can't seem to get it out right.

You were, simply put, amazing. You were extraordinary in so many ways, and everyone knew it.

I have so many great memories with you.

I think the first time we really began talking was when I was upset one day and you were the first and only person to cross the room and ask me if I was ok. No one else noticed me, but you did. You were always thinking of other people. You sat there with me and talked to me about it until I felt better. That, of course, didn't take long. Anyone who didn't know you could not even begin to comprehend how hard it was to be sad around you. You had the best personality in the world! From then on, we talked every day in class, and sometimes outside of school.

I remember us going into the food area every day with water bottles and filling them with so much lemonade powder that most people would get sick if they drank it. You would pour and pour until powder was practically coming out the top!

And by the way, you are still the only person that could get me to listen to Ska ;-).

You were the nicest, most fun person to be around.

I wish you were here so we could celebrate your birthday. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.

I am so blessed to have been able to know you and spend time with you in your life.

Happy birthday Taylor!

Love, Nova

Many people have asked that I tell the story of my dream I had at the same time - unbeknownst to me, Taylor was in the Blue Ridge Reservoir, drowning, dying, all alone, cold and helpless, begging to live, even if only through a dream. 

Taylor and I have always been close.  Having similar personalities and temperaments, Taylor and I always seemed to think alike. 
The morning of the fateful camping trip, I had felt unusually tired.  Tired doesn't even describe the feelings I had - weighed down was more like it.  I felt like I was wearing a suit of heavy armor, and I could barely move.  I thought I was just feeling overwhelmed knowing I had to help the movers pack up the house in one week. 
Now I realize it was either someone or something preventing me from being near my son, or a very strange warning that, regretfully, I didn't seem to comprehend.
  
When Taylor had first asked if he could go camping, he had requested if he could borrow the Pacifica because Donnie's truck was not in working condition. 
I said, "No, Taylor, I don't think so, I don't think that's a good idea Honey." 
Half hoping that if they had no feasible means of transportation, he would make the decision to stay home.  Unfortunately, the boys were hell bent on going and decided to repair Donnie's truck that morning.
 
 A few moments after telling Taylor that if they could get Donnie's truck going, they could still camp out, my husband called. 
I told him, "I feel terrible today.  I just can't get rid of this feeling of impending doom." 

He responded by telling me I was being a "real downer" and said he'd call back and talk to me later. 
*** remembers talking to Taylor about it, and even Taylor couldn't figure out why I was so bummed.
  Now - I know. 
Somewhere in my subconscious, I KNEW that morning would be the last time I'd ever see my beloved first born and only son alive again.  What happened in the next few hours would turn out to be the extraordinarily heavy burden I carry around with me to this day.

When Taylor came to let me know he was leaving, I was showering and barely had the opportunity to say goodbye. 
I hollered out to him through the double doors of the bathroom, "I can't come out Taylor, I'm showering." 
He replied, "But we need to leave now." 
I yelled, "Okay,I'll be out in a minute." 
I could tell from his silence, he was in a hurray, so I did something I regret to this day, I shouted out to him, "Ok honey, have a good time, I'll see you tomorrow.  I love you. Goodbye"
I never got to tell him goodbye, not really, not like we usually do.
I heard the front door shut downstairs just as I was getting out of the shower.  In fact, he never even saw me running out the door hoping to catch him as he drove away down the street.  For the first time in our entire lives, we had not hugged and kissed goodbye. 

That morning, Taylor called from his cell phone to inform me that there would not be any cell phone  reception up in the mountains. I wasn't crazy about that idea, and in fact; had I known that, I probably would not have let him go.  We said we loved each other and hung up.  It would be the last time I'd ever speak to Taylor.

That afternoon, I was still feeling this unbearable weight upon my body and decided to lay down for a short while to try to get some rest hoping it would refresh me.

Around 2:30 PM, as I laid on the burgundy and gold colored couch in the family room, I had what I refer to as a 
'wake- dream.' Some people call it a vision. To this day I can't be sure I was asleep. I'm pretty sure I was fully awake. Either way, what happened next made even me feel uncomfortable.

I had this "dream" that Taylor called me from his cell phone screaming, "Mom! Mom! I need to know how to do CPR! I need to know how to do CPR!" I could see him screaming hysterically into his cell phone next to a lake.  Although I had no idea "who" needed the CPR performed on them,   so I proceeded to talk Taylor through the motions.I could see what appeared to be a male figure on the ground. I could see the trees and the brown ground. But I couldn't tell who it was that was laying on the ground. 

I remember telling him in my dream, as he was performing CPR on the unidentified body, "It's okay honey, you're doing fine. You're doing a great job. You've got it now, you can finish this on your own. I remember telling him that if the person throws up to just turn their head to the side, and take off his shirt and wipe out their mouth. I knew how that would make Taylor feel sick. I felt myself with him. It was wierd, I was talking on the phone with him, yet I could see everything happening as if I were there. " 

I remember saying to his much relieved face, "You keep administering the CPR, and I'll get Brooke to call for help from her cell phone." 

The next thing I remember thinking was, "What a terribly morbid thought." 

Little did I know it was a cry for help from my son.  Evidently, one of the boys tried to help him, the other ran away to look for help.  Which never really came and Taylor drowned while poor Donnie tried help him. And Donnie being an accomplished diver, probably would have been able to, except for the actions of an unidentified volunteer fireman who prevented Donnie from trying to find Taylor underneath the water. The fireman instead, offered a "stick" to "poke" at the water with. Basically, that fireman let him die. How very sad. What our family has such a hard time comprehending is how could he have hit his head while going into the water, and why, if there were "loads" of people around in boats and other fishermen, why had no one else tried to do anything? Certainly if he had just fallen into the water, even if he was sinking, certainly more than one person could have helped. And if help had arrived, with the water being cold, Taylor could have been revived up to 20 minutes or more of being under the water. This was in the middle of July - not the winter! None of it makes sense.

After my vision, I scolded myself for even thinking such a thing and tried to relax again. I didn't realize it at the time, but either Taylor was somehow communicating with me to say goodbye, or it was a very frantic and desperate cry for help.  He was calling his momma like he always did.  Taylor never let me worry, he always called to let me where he was. We had a rule - I needed to know where he was at all times so if there was ever an emergency and I needed to contact him, I would know the last place he was so I could find him.  Wow.
 
Taylor ALWAYS called. Ask anyone, Taylor called his momma several times a day.  Later that evening around 7:03 PM, I telephoned Taylor on his cell phone totally unaware that he had drowned hours earlier. I left a message on his phone telling him I was worried that I hadn't spoken to him in a while, and that when he got my message, to give me a call.  I had absolutely no idea that my son was already dead!

In fact, it was 6 hours AFTER he drowned that I was alerted to the fact that he was "missing." Why they did not alert us immediately is a mystery to us. 

Sometime around 8:30 PM a Scottsdale policewoman and the local office psychologist came to our door.  As soon as I saw his badge that had his credentials listed, I knew something terrible had happened to someone I loved.

The psychologist asked me if my son was one of three boys who had gone camping up at Blue Ridge Reservoir earlier that day and I knew right then and there, that my precious son was dead.  I  replied that my son had, indeed, gone camping.  He quickly added that there had been an "accident"  that Taylor had lost his footing, slipped down the rocky ridge and had fallen into the deep, murky, and very cold water.  They were looking for him, he claimed, at that very moment. 

I inquired of the man, "How long has he been "missing" since the "accident?"
When he told me the "accident" occurred sometime around 2:30 PM, I knew immediately that my baby boy was dead.  
I knew from being a cop myself years earlier, that they didn't send the psychologist if they assume the child is going to be fine. 
I also felt it was common sense that a person who had fallen into the water and they cannot be found within 6 hours, that it is most probable that the person is deceased.  I knew it, I felt it, I just knew my  sweet, gentle Taylor was dead. 

And so begins the start of our nightmare.  It took the recovery team two days to find his body. It was the longest two days of my life. 

The following is a listing of organizations that may be helpful in your time of loss.

A.L.S. Association* http://www.alsa.org/
27001 Agoura Road, Suite 150
Calabasas Hills, CA 91301
(800) 782-4747

Alzheimer's Association* http://www.alz.org/
919 N. Michigan Ave., Suite 1000
Chicago, IL 60611
(312) 335-8700

American Association of Retired Persons http://www.aarp.org/
Grief/Loss Programs
601 E. St.
Washington, DC 20049
(202) 434-2260
(For widowed and bereaved adults.)

American Association of Suicidology http://www.suicidology.org/
4201 Connecticut Ave., NW
Suite 310
Washington, DC 20049

American Cancer Society* http://www.cancer.org/
1599 Clifton Road, NE
Atlanta, GA 30329
(800) ACS-2345

American Foundation for AIDS http://www.amfar.org/
Research*
733 3rd Ave., 12th Floor
New York, NY 10017
(212) 682-7440 ext. 210

American Heart Association* http://www.americanheart.org
Dallas, TX 75231
(800) 527-6941

American Hospice Foundation http://www.americanhospice.org/
1130 Connecticut, NW, Suite 700
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 223-0204
Email:ahf@msn.com

American Kidney Fund* http://www.akfinc.org/
6110 Executive Blvd., Suite 1010
Rockville, MD 20852
(800) 638-8299

American Liver Foundation http://www.akfinc.org/
1425 Pomptom Ave.
Cedar Grove, NJ 07009-1000
(800) 233-0179

American Lung Association* http://www.lungusa.org/
1740 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
(800) LUNG-USA

American SIDS Institute* http://www.sids.org/
2480 Windy Hill Rd. Suite 380
Marietta, GA 30067
(800) 232-SIDS

Association for Death Education http://www.adec.org/  
and Counseling 
342 Main St.
West Hartford, CT 06117-2507
(860) 586-7503

Bereavement Services/RTS http://www.bereavementprograms.com/
Gunderson Lutheran Medical Center
1910 South Ave.
La Crosse, WI 54601
(608) 791-4747 or
(800) 362-9567 Ext. 4747


Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Foundation* http://www.candlelighters.org/
7910 Woodmont Ave.
Suite 460
Bethesda, MD 20814
(800) 366-2223
(301) 657-8401

Center for Loss in Multiple Birth http://www.climb-support.org/
(CLIMB) Inc.*
P.O. Box 1064
Palmer, AK 99645
(907) 746-6123
(907) 274-7029

The Compassionate Friends* http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
(630) 990-1010
(Supports families who have experienced the death of a child)

Concerns of Police Survivors  http://www.nationalcops.org/
(COPS)
PO Box 3199
Camdenton, MO 65020
(314) 346-4911

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation* http://www.cff.org/
6931 Arlington Road
Bethesda, MD 20014
(800) 344-4823

In Loving Memory* http://www.geocities.com/athens/delphi/9030/
1416 Green Run Lane
Reston, VA 20190
(703) 435-0608
(Dedicated to helping parents cope with the loss of their only child or all of their children.)

International THEOS Foundation http://www.care-givers.com/pages/resources/offline/caregivingresources.html
322 Blvd. of the Allies
Suite 105
Pittsburgh, PA 15222-3510
(412) 471-7770
(international widows and widowers group)

Leukemia Society of America* http://www.leukemia.org/hm_lls
2900 Eisenhower Ave., Suite 419
Alexandria, VA 22314
(703) 960-1100

The Living Bank http://www.livingbank.org/
Organ and Tissue Donation
Box 6725
Houston, TX 77265
(800) 528-2971

Make-A-Wish Foundation http://www.wish.org/
Of America*
100 Charendon Ave., Suite 2200
Phoenix, AZ 85013
(602) 279-9474  

March of Dimes Birth http://www.modimes.org/
Defects Association*
1275 Marnaroneck Ave.
White Plains, NY 10605
(800) 453-3816

Mothers Against Drunk Driving http://www.madd.org/
Victim Assistance Program
511 E John Carpenter Freeway
Suite 700
Irving, TX 75062
(800) GET-MADD

Muscular Dystrophy Association* http://www.mdausa.org/home.html 3300 E. Sunrise Dr.
Tucson, AZ 85718
(520) 529-2000

National AIDS Fund http://www.aidsfund.org/
1400 "I" St., NW, Suite 1220
Washington, DC 20005-2208
(202) 408-4848

National Catholic Ministry http://cmnonline.com/
To the Bereaved
606 Middle Ave.
Elyria, OH 44035
(216) 323-6262

National Donor FamilyCouncil http://www.nkfg.org/donation/dfcouncil.htm
C/o National Kidney Foundation
30 East 33rd St.
New York, NY 10016
(800) 622-9010
(212) 889-2210
(For Families of those who died and became
Organ and/or tissue donors.)

National Hospice Organization* http://www.nho.org/
1901 N. Moore St., Suite 901
Arlington, VA 22209
(703) 243-5900
(800) 658-8898

Parents of Murdered Children Inc. http://www.pomc.com/
(POMC)
100 E. Eighth St., B41
Cincinnati, OH 45202
(513) 721-5683
(888) 818-POMC

Pen-Parents Inc. http://penparents.org/  
PO Box 8738
Reno, NV 89507
(702) 826-7332
(Support network designed for grieving parents
and grandparents providing a pen-pal type service.)

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center http://www.parentsoup.com/library/organizations/bpdp022.html
1421 E Wayzata Blvd., Suite 30
Wyzata, MN 55391
(612) 473-9372
(Provides support, resources and education
On miscarriage, still birth and infant death.)

Ray of Hope http://www.uic.edu/orgs/convening/aftersuicide.htm
PO Box 2323
Iowa City, IA 52244
(319) 337-9890
(For survivors of those who died from suicide.)

Salvation Army National http://www.salvationarmy.org/home.html
Headquarters*
615 Slaters Ln.
PO Box 269
Alexandria, VA 22313
(703) 684-5500

SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/ Support Inc.
St. Joseph's Health Center
300 1st Capitol Dr.
St. Charles, MO 63001
(800) 821-6891
(314) 947-6164
(For families who have experienced the death
of a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.)

SIDS Alliance* http://www.sidsalliance.org/
1314 Bedford Ave., Suite 210
Baltimore, MD 21208
(800) 221-7437
(410) 653-8226

Society of Military Widows http://www.militarywidows.org/
5535 Hempstead Way
Springfield, VA 22151
(703) 750-1342

TBI/Tissue Banks International* http://www.taps.org/
815 Parks Ave.
Baltimore, MD 21201
(800) 756-4824

The Taylor Fund* http://www.thetaylorfund.com  
212 Doubletree Drive
Venetia, PA 15367
(412) 841-3043
(480) 365-8322

Tragedy Assistance Program for http://www.taps.org/
Survivors Inc. (TAPS)
PO Box 242032
Anchorage, AK 99524
(907) 272-TAPS
(800) 959-TAPS

United Cerebral Palsy http://www.ucpa.org/
Association*
1660 L St. NW
Suite 700
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 776-04006
(800) USA-5UCP

Wings of Lights Inc. http://www.wingsoflight.org/
16845 N. 29th Ave., Ste 1
Phoenix, AZ 85053
(800) 613-8531
(Support and information network for
aircraft accident survivors and others
directly affected by aviation accidents.) 



 
*Denotes a national charitable organization.